Has anyone else noticed that almost all of the pictures for
advertising,
magazines,
websites,
blogs,
competitions,
etc are of all of the
1) most flexible moves or
2) the hardest or
3) both?
And I swear this has just become more and more real over the last year...
Sometimes when I see a photo of someone just someone standing next to a pole I feel like I can breathe.
I don't literally feel like when I see someone standing next to a pole for a photo "well I can do that, I'm comfortable."
But when I see some crazy ass move on a book, or a magazine, or a website, I almost feel like "in order to be good I need to be able to do this right.now." (Maybe this is just me and I am giving you some insight into how I get moves so quickly - I get this anxiety about how I have so much to learn and do in pole and I feel I need to know it as soon as possible, and this motivates me to train really hard.)
Don't get me wrong. If you know me you know I love the crazy ass, difficult, flexy pole moves and I want to be able to do every.single.one.
Well - except for the freaking knee hold. I never want to try that shit again.
I also understand polers doing workshops and advertising themselves they need to express without words that they are experienced.
I am not at all bashing difficult pole trick photos, I have tons and tons and I love them when I see them as well.
I know a lot of people really hate the idea of pole being in the Olympics (and that is a whole 'nother... 10 blogs worth of writing and thoughts there) and I'm not giving my opinion about pole in the Olympics right now,
but one person in particular has told me that pole in the Olympics means that pole will only really mean that the people who are relevant are those who are young, strong, and flexible.
I kind of feel like in a lot of ways we are already moving towards that style now.
Perhaphs since it's more my style than dancing in heels is I surround myself with photos and videos of this type of poling, (My photos are increasingly of difficult tricks. Not me standing next to a pole. Maybe I am a part of this trend...)
but I also feel like simplicity in pole - actually dancing or just moving around the pole on the ground or simple photos is increasingly less revered as doing a move like the Anastasia (even though this requires stupid flexibility so I get the merit).
I just hope all forms and styles of pole continue to be celebrated.
Small thought -
and that is all for today <3 :)
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
My First Pole Crash: Color Me Humbled.
So during a photoshoot yesterday I fell for the very first time in my pole career.
It was a pretty traumatic moment.
My mind started playing out my biggest fear - that I may not be able to pole again.
I am humbled by my experience because ...
As a poler I get injured - a lot.
I legitimately always have at least 3 injury-type things going on at any point in time.
None of them are "major" in the sense that I am literally going to ruin myself forever for being on the pole when I have these injuries. I don't pole when I feel something is serious or going to last a long period of time, or even cause me future pain.
But I have "injuries," like my ribs come out of alignment because my muscles are strained, and sometimes I have random pains in various parts of my body.
As polers, with the amount of abuse we put our bodies through, we tend to block out painful events and just try and wait out injuries.
None of these issues besides my ribs are ever reoccurring which I am grateful for.
I have been grateful and lucky because I have had injuries that are not severe or going to cause me chronic pain (which is not something every poler can say).
When my back started hurting and my ribs were bugging me this summer I stayed away for a little while but I kept coming back.
When I almost pulled my shoulder in December, I was off pole. For serious. For the first time.
I didn't do a single pole trick until I was healed.
That experience alone made me feel blessed for my luck and I had to realize that I need to actually step back to heal myself sometimes. That this can actually happen to me.
As a very passionate poler with big dreams, I train a lot.
As much as I can really.
Because of this I need a lot of body work and I don't always give myself the rest that I need to.
I however, have not had anything more serious than a shoulder injury that kept me away from the pole for 3 and a half weeks.
Being away from pole depresses me at any point in time when I am injured, and I have thought about the possibility of being so injured I will never be able to pole again.
This scares me more than almost anything.
When I fell on my shoulder and knocked the bone out of place yesterday (I still cringe every time I think of it)
I have a freak-out moment every single time.
This fall has made me realize something else other than: yes, I can be injured, and yes to the point where I need to stay away from poling for an extended, painful, length of time.
This struck something deeper.
Lately I have been feeling like I have been getting tricks right and left, and this streak has made me so happy because I was frustrated for a minute in December feeling like I wasn't really getting any moves.
But my crash made me realize that I need to stop flying and rather breathe through my experiences.
I am so eager to learn and to bust out tricks and get strong and improve and advance and perform.
I know that my biggest flaw as a poler is the inability to slow things down.
Slow moves down. Slow the process down. Slow my transitions down. You name it.
My teachers always tell me to, and I actively have to think about it in order to act upon it, and it's still the biggest struggle I have.
When I came out of my position the other day I wasn't thinking about the situation, my position, my body, and I fell - hard.
I have inverted a million times and there comes a point when you have done the same pole move so many times that you no longer even think about what you are doing or how you need to get out of it. You don't think you need to because it's just second nature by that time.
I learned that this is the wrong way of thinking the hard way.
I will never dominate pole - it will always be dangerous and deserve constant respect.
I always remind myself that my body is a temple.
I love my body. Flaws and all.
I eat well, I sleep often, I try and be good to myself.
However, I love pole so much that I often forget to take care of myself and I put pole first.
I don't take the time to remember that this is the one and only body I will have forever.
My drop reminded me that pole is a very scary and very dangerous sport.
I would say that non polers don't really understand, but I clearly forget and don't always understand as well.
The best polers in the world fall and get injured all of the time.
We hold ourselves up with the smallest amount of skin possible on a fast-spinning vertical bar in high heels 10 + feet up in the air.
This is very blatantly something that deserves extreme respect and attention and it's so easy to forget.
My point is that this experience has humbled me.
I am reminded that I am human.
I break very easily.
Pole is a very dangerous sport that deserves respect and that it is too easy to forget this.
I always tell myself I need to go slower, but now the universe has screamed at me, telling me that I can't keep brushing this need off like I have been for so long.
Always know where your points of contact are, and always know how you are going to get out of a move the safest way possible.
As a teacher I am almost overly protective of my students and making sure they are safe - but this is a practice I need to place on myself as well.
Crashes happen and injuries are pretty much inevitable in this lifestyle.
I hope that my experiences of injury are nothing any of you beautiful other polers ever have to experience.
My goals for this year are to take things more slowly, and allow myself to heal when I have injury because of everything I have explained above.
What we can do with our bodies is empowering and incredible, but we will never be able to defy gravity like we sometimes believe.
<3 <3 <3
It was a pretty traumatic moment.
My mind started playing out my biggest fear - that I may not be able to pole again.
I am humbled by my experience because ...
As a poler I get injured - a lot.
I legitimately always have at least 3 injury-type things going on at any point in time.
None of them are "major" in the sense that I am literally going to ruin myself forever for being on the pole when I have these injuries. I don't pole when I feel something is serious or going to last a long period of time, or even cause me future pain.
But I have "injuries," like my ribs come out of alignment because my muscles are strained, and sometimes I have random pains in various parts of my body.
As polers, with the amount of abuse we put our bodies through, we tend to block out painful events and just try and wait out injuries.
None of these issues besides my ribs are ever reoccurring which I am grateful for.
I have been grateful and lucky because I have had injuries that are not severe or going to cause me chronic pain (which is not something every poler can say).
When my back started hurting and my ribs were bugging me this summer I stayed away for a little while but I kept coming back.
When I almost pulled my shoulder in December, I was off pole. For serious. For the first time.
I didn't do a single pole trick until I was healed.
That experience alone made me feel blessed for my luck and I had to realize that I need to actually step back to heal myself sometimes. That this can actually happen to me.
As a very passionate poler with big dreams, I train a lot.
As much as I can really.
Because of this I need a lot of body work and I don't always give myself the rest that I need to.
I however, have not had anything more serious than a shoulder injury that kept me away from the pole for 3 and a half weeks.
Being away from pole depresses me at any point in time when I am injured, and I have thought about the possibility of being so injured I will never be able to pole again.
This scares me more than almost anything.
When I fell on my shoulder and knocked the bone out of place yesterday (I still cringe every time I think of it)
I have a freak-out moment every single time.
This fall has made me realize something else other than: yes, I can be injured, and yes to the point where I need to stay away from poling for an extended, painful, length of time.
This struck something deeper.
Lately I have been feeling like I have been getting tricks right and left, and this streak has made me so happy because I was frustrated for a minute in December feeling like I wasn't really getting any moves.
But my crash made me realize that I need to stop flying and rather breathe through my experiences.
I am so eager to learn and to bust out tricks and get strong and improve and advance and perform.
I know that my biggest flaw as a poler is the inability to slow things down.
Slow moves down. Slow the process down. Slow my transitions down. You name it.
My teachers always tell me to, and I actively have to think about it in order to act upon it, and it's still the biggest struggle I have.
When I came out of my position the other day I wasn't thinking about the situation, my position, my body, and I fell - hard.
I have inverted a million times and there comes a point when you have done the same pole move so many times that you no longer even think about what you are doing or how you need to get out of it. You don't think you need to because it's just second nature by that time.
I learned that this is the wrong way of thinking the hard way.
I will never dominate pole - it will always be dangerous and deserve constant respect.
I always remind myself that my body is a temple.
I love my body. Flaws and all.
I eat well, I sleep often, I try and be good to myself.
However, I love pole so much that I often forget to take care of myself and I put pole first.
I don't take the time to remember that this is the one and only body I will have forever.
My drop reminded me that pole is a very scary and very dangerous sport.
I would say that non polers don't really understand, but I clearly forget and don't always understand as well.
The best polers in the world fall and get injured all of the time.
We hold ourselves up with the smallest amount of skin possible on a fast-spinning vertical bar in high heels 10 + feet up in the air.
This is very blatantly something that deserves extreme respect and attention and it's so easy to forget.
My point is that this experience has humbled me.
I am reminded that I am human.
I break very easily.
Pole is a very dangerous sport that deserves respect and that it is too easy to forget this.
I always tell myself I need to go slower, but now the universe has screamed at me, telling me that I can't keep brushing this need off like I have been for so long.
Always know where your points of contact are, and always know how you are going to get out of a move the safest way possible.
As a teacher I am almost overly protective of my students and making sure they are safe - but this is a practice I need to place on myself as well.
Crashes happen and injuries are pretty much inevitable in this lifestyle.
I hope that my experiences of injury are nothing any of you beautiful other polers ever have to experience.
My goals for this year are to take things more slowly, and allow myself to heal when I have injury because of everything I have explained above.
What we can do with our bodies is empowering and incredible, but we will never be able to defy gravity like we sometimes believe.
<3 <3 <3
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
My Time with the Lovely Sarah Scott in the UK
Due to the fact that I was screwed over by the airlines - 5 days with Sarah turned into two days and an hour.
The first day I got there it was late and we had to run errands to make up for my lost luggage, so we didn't have time to pole. We went to the house and I met her hunny Adam Barr and her doggies. I went to sleep to wake up early the next day.
When I woke up Sarah was starting to cook breakfast - sweet potato pancakes. So amazing.
We got the keys to her friend Amy's (UKPPC winner 2012) pole studio, Studio 22.
This studio is AMAZING. It has 3 floors for awesomeness. One floor is for dancing, another floor is for aerial work like Lyra and fabrics, and the last one is for pole and it had two separate rooms.
The first day of pole I was jet lagged and didn't sleep much, but we managed to do six hours of pole in that one day.
We worked on some advance tricks and dead lifting techniques.
We took a break in the middle to get food and go shopping.
We went back for more pole, and later we went to the gym with Adam.
A guy who worked there started talking to Sarah about handstands and within minutes all of us were doing handstand walks and handstands against the wall with only one arm.
We then went home to eat and sleep and I was supposed to catch up on my sleep but I ended up staying awake until 1:00am on FaceBook and had an alarm set for 7:00 the next day.
We took a break in the middle to get food and go shopping.
We went back for more pole, and later we went to the gym with Adam.
A guy who worked there started talking to Sarah about handstands and within minutes all of us were doing handstand walks and handstands against the wall with only one arm.
We then went home to eat and sleep and I was supposed to catch up on my sleep but I ended up staying awake until 1:00am on FaceBook and had an alarm set for 7:00 the next day.
The next day I woke up and holy F was I sore and exhausted. My back, arms, thighs, calves, and especially my obliques were so sore.
Laughing and moving was a challenge.
I was so tired and sore that we didn't get another 6 hours of all new stuff in at the studio, but we managed to get six more hours of review, practice, and some new tricks in.
At the end both of us were doing our own thing, and it was my favorite time of the whole trip. Hanging out and poling with Sarah Scott as friends and polers was an amazing moment :)
We went home to eat and we were up until late again just hanging out in her kitchen with Adam.
The last day we only had an hour to pole before we had to drive two hours to the airport. By this day I was stupid tired and still ridiculously sore. We did some review and muscle memory and hanging out at the studio before we had to leave.
My trip overall was incredible.
I met my idol and trained with her privately.
She taught me tricks and strength moves I knew I needed to learn from her myself.
She taught me healthy things to cook and ways to plan out meals.
She told me things about herself, about pole, and about competitions I would only be able to learn by spending this time with her.
We had a handful of things in common as well. She called us "twinsies" when the similarities got past 5. :P
-We both danced to a Glitch Mob song for our first performance
-We both have the same style of pole and liked the same tricks
- Our pole playlist was incredibly similar
- We were both in the same place in our splits
- We both had the same thoughts on flexibility
- We both have long dark hair ;)
-We both danced to a Glitch Mob song for our first performance
-We both have the same style of pole and liked the same tricks
- Our pole playlist was incredibly similar
- We were both in the same place in our splits
- We both had the same thoughts on flexibility
- We both have long dark hair ;)
She will always be my favorite poler, and my ultimate fitness and pole inspiration.
I can't wait to learn from her again.
I have always had a confidence around my poling, but after that trip I feel changed.
Now more than ever I feel not like I "can" do moves and tricks and performances, but rather, I WILL do them.
I feel strong and advanced and ready to dominate any trick (at least the ones that don't require extreme flexibility until I gain that as well ;) )
I'm super happy I had this experience. It's by far one of my favorites if not THE.
<3
I can't wait to learn from her again.
I have always had a confidence around my poling, but after that trip I feel changed.
Now more than ever I feel not like I "can" do moves and tricks and performances, but rather, I WILL do them.
I feel strong and advanced and ready to dominate any trick (at least the ones that don't require extreme flexibility until I gain that as well ;) )
I'm super happy I had this experience. It's by far one of my favorites if not THE.
<3
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
My Adventure from Hell
I went to the UK this week to train with my pole idol, Sarah Scott.
The journey to get there was literally a vivid nightmare that I lived and it's too ridiculous not to share.
I first flew out to Phoenix for my best friend’s bachelorette party and her wedding.
Both were awesome and fun. I was honored to be the maid of honor ;)
The week was busy though, I hadn’t slept more than 6 hours in over a week and I usually need 9+ hours of sleep.
My boyfriend and I bought a hotel in Phoenix to spend some time together while in Phoenix, but the only time we got alone was us just sleeping since were were so busy and tired.
We got a ride to the Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport where we intended to spend some time together for a few hours before our flights.
Someone at the airport told us that we could go through our separate securities and meet back up afterwards. So we went to our separate securities without saying goodbye and then discovered that we could actually NOT meet back up.
We said goodbye on the phone and we flew our separate ways.
On my flight I got stuck next to a woman who was sick and coughing the whole 2 hours and I was terrified that she was going to get me sick days before my intensive training.
After I landed in Newark New Jersey the fun really began.
My phone was dead and I walked a mile around the airport looking for an outlet.
What kind of hell of an airport doesn’t have outlets?! I finally found a woman in the middle of a busy hallway holding her phone into one in the middle of the airport. I called Logan holding the cord up and sitting on the ground trying to not get stepped on.
It was eventually time to get to my gate which had a flight to London set for 9:00PM and boarding was meant to be at 8:15. At 8:15 there was an entire flight of people sitting at my gate on their way to Dublin - their flight hadn’t even arrived yet.
At 8:30 their plane wasn’t close.
At 9:00 my flight was pushed back to 9:30.
At 10:00 the Dublin plane still wasn’t there.
My flight was pushed to 10:15.
10:30.
The Dublin group’s plane finally arrived and they moved to another gate.
11:00 PM a United crew member announced that they were looking for our plane and they were looking for a pilot to fly us out but we would be getting our plane soon.
11:30 they told us if we don’t get a out of there by 11:45 we would be cancelled.
12:00 they said they found our plane and we would be leaving.
12:15 they moved us to another gate.
12:30 still nothing.
1:30 they said we were getting on board in a few minutes.
2:00am - the flight was cancelled.
They told us that we could not get our bags until after 6:00am in the morning.
They gave us a number to call for a new flight.
I called it and I was on hold for an hour.
A rude woman answered and told me the next available flight would be me leaving on the 8th. The day was the 5th. Uh. Fuck you.
I told her I was going to cancel my flight and find another with a different airline.
Logan stayed up past 2:00am in Colorado trying to help me find a hotel, a way to get there, and a new fight.
At 2:15am I was in the airport and I found a flight for $1,000 for the 6th that would put me in London on the 7th.
I’m missing a whole day for nothing.
Logan called a hotel and told me to get a free shuttle to the hotel and they would put me up.
I walked outside to find the shuttle at the lower level of the airport where a security woman told me I would be picked up.
After waiting in the cold at 2:45am I asked a man where to go. He told me to go back upstairs and wait.
I walked upstairs and asked a mean large security guard where to go. He told me simply ‘stand outside and wait for the bus.’
Not knowing what to do or what bus to look for, I stood outside.
A bus came and I asked the driver if it was the correct one for me.
He told me yes and I got on a bus that was creepily empty.
I was taken to some random ass building where the man told me to wait outside for a shuttle.
I called the hotel Logan had called earlier that told him there were vacancies and to arrive and just ask for a room.
To be sure I called beforehand and they told me there were none.
I called another hotel - they had vacancies and would send a shuttle. The first good news all day.
I paid $200 for one night in a hotel. I had no luggage, face wash, toothbrush or anything.
The next day I checked out and got back to the airport.
The man driving the shuttle from the hotel dropped me off at the terminal building where I had my new flight.
Then I realized my luggage was in an entirely different terminal of the airport and I needed to go there first, then come all the way back and check into the new terminal of the airport.
I took an air train all the way to the other terminal.
I didn’t see my luggage so I got in line to ask about it.
After an hour of standing in my only shoes I have had, 6 inch boots, I finally spoke with a woman.
At first she told me that the airline lied when they said I could get my bag at 6:00am. She said that since there were already hundreds of random bags they weren’t even going to get around to the newest ones for days.
Then she scanned my baggage tickets and told me that “oh wait,” my baggage was probably already in London. WTF? Thinking I had one good thing happen, with a little hope I took an air train all the way back to the terminal where my new flight would be.
I walked back and fourth, up and down an entire airport terminal twice looking for the counter for my airline and finally went up to a woman asking where it was.
She said something weird, like “it wasn’t there yet”? And didn’t tell me anything else.
I went to an airport bar to hang out for awhile until I could get checked in and what I assumed was I was waiting for my airline to set up their counter.
After waiting two hours I got an e-mail from Expedia telling me my itinerary for my flight leaving on the 10th had changed and I needed to call them.
Trying to stay calm I called the number and a man who kept saying my name wrong checked my flight and told me it was exactly how it should be. Just praying he was right, I hung up the phone.
Two hours later I went up a level to find my carrier and there was a line out of the door.
I waited in line for 40 minutes to get to the counter and when I did the man asked if I had bags.
I told him that “no, they apparently left without me”.
The worker next to him stopped and told me that baggage is never supposed to leave without a person and that it’s doubtful that my baggage was in London.
Devastated once again I shuffled off all across the airport to my security line.
After I passed through security where they practically made me take off everything I was wearing and take out almost everything in my bag and put it in a separate bin, I waited another 3 hours in a waiting area because my flight was delayed 45 minutes to get onto the new flight.
After getting on the plane I knew I had to train the next day, so for five and a half hours I tried to sleep to no avail.
We landed in Iceland where it was 6:00am, I was exhausted, and I tried to not fall asleep until my next flight.
I then got on my flight to London and it was an hour late taking off.
We sat on the plane for unknown reasons for such a long time.
Then we flew out and I finally passed out for about two hours. At least around the times that I wasn’t being woken up because of a crying child.
I finally landed an hour late and when I got off the plane I had to walk a mile through the airport to find that I needed to stand in a HUGE line just to get into the UK.
I waited in line an hour to get through the border process and by then Sarah had already been waiting by then 2 hours for me to get out of the airport.
When I got downstairs finally I looked for my bag and found none.
I went to the United Baggage Claim to ask them and a man tried calling over to the other terminal with United Bags for half an hour and no one picked up.
He told me to go to the other Baggage Support for the Iceland Air carrier because I was on their airline last, it was their responsibility. WTF?!
I waited in line for 40 minutes with Sarah waiting outside for me, parked in an expensive parking garage, to talk to someone.
A man with an accent I could barely understand asked me some questions and told me it could be days.
He then told me I should expect my bag the next day about mid-dayish.
I left, having made Sarah wait 3 hours by that time, after being bothered by some man when I was leaving about why I had no bags.
We had to drive 2 hours back after I already made her wait, and since I had no baggage we had to run to the store so I could buy all of my toiletries that I didn’t have.
By that time it was really late and we had no time to do pole at all so a whole second day was entirely wasted.
It has been a whole other day and no bags have arrived and we have gotten no calls or e-mails.
We checked online and it turns out that my purple bag has been found but it won’t be here until the day I leave, and my other bag has not been found.
I had to buy all new clothes today and only get one more day to pole with Sarah Scott.
5 days turned into 2 and I want to burn every single airline and airport to the ground.
I’m super grateful that I am finally in the UK and looking on the bright side. I got new clothes, I’m with my idol training privately, I’m safe, etc etc. But MOTHER FUCKER! How I didn’t LOSE MY SHIT I will never know. I think if it wasn’t for Logan looking after me and knowing where I was going, heads would have rolled.
Sigh.
A more positive post after I return from the Magic trip to the UK! <3
The journey to get there was literally a vivid nightmare that I lived and it's too ridiculous not to share.
I first flew out to Phoenix for my best friend’s bachelorette party and her wedding.
Both were awesome and fun. I was honored to be the maid of honor ;)
The week was busy though, I hadn’t slept more than 6 hours in over a week and I usually need 9+ hours of sleep.
My boyfriend and I bought a hotel in Phoenix to spend some time together while in Phoenix, but the only time we got alone was us just sleeping since were were so busy and tired.
We got a ride to the Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport where we intended to spend some time together for a few hours before our flights.
Someone at the airport told us that we could go through our separate securities and meet back up afterwards. So we went to our separate securities without saying goodbye and then discovered that we could actually NOT meet back up.
We said goodbye on the phone and we flew our separate ways.
On my flight I got stuck next to a woman who was sick and coughing the whole 2 hours and I was terrified that she was going to get me sick days before my intensive training.
After I landed in Newark New Jersey the fun really began.
My phone was dead and I walked a mile around the airport looking for an outlet.
What kind of hell of an airport doesn’t have outlets?! I finally found a woman in the middle of a busy hallway holding her phone into one in the middle of the airport. I called Logan holding the cord up and sitting on the ground trying to not get stepped on.
It was eventually time to get to my gate which had a flight to London set for 9:00PM and boarding was meant to be at 8:15. At 8:15 there was an entire flight of people sitting at my gate on their way to Dublin - their flight hadn’t even arrived yet.
At 8:30 their plane wasn’t close.
At 9:00 my flight was pushed back to 9:30.
At 10:00 the Dublin plane still wasn’t there.
My flight was pushed to 10:15.
10:30.
The Dublin group’s plane finally arrived and they moved to another gate.
11:00 PM a United crew member announced that they were looking for our plane and they were looking for a pilot to fly us out but we would be getting our plane soon.
11:30 they told us if we don’t get a out of there by 11:45 we would be cancelled.
12:00 they said they found our plane and we would be leaving.
12:15 they moved us to another gate.
12:30 still nothing.
1:30 they said we were getting on board in a few minutes.
2:00am - the flight was cancelled.
They told us that we could not get our bags until after 6:00am in the morning.
They gave us a number to call for a new flight.
I called it and I was on hold for an hour.
A rude woman answered and told me the next available flight would be me leaving on the 8th. The day was the 5th. Uh. Fuck you.
I told her I was going to cancel my flight and find another with a different airline.
Logan stayed up past 2:00am in Colorado trying to help me find a hotel, a way to get there, and a new fight.
At 2:15am I was in the airport and I found a flight for $1,000 for the 6th that would put me in London on the 7th.
I’m missing a whole day for nothing.
Logan called a hotel and told me to get a free shuttle to the hotel and they would put me up.
I walked outside to find the shuttle at the lower level of the airport where a security woman told me I would be picked up.
After waiting in the cold at 2:45am I asked a man where to go. He told me to go back upstairs and wait.
I walked upstairs and asked a mean large security guard where to go. He told me simply ‘stand outside and wait for the bus.’
Not knowing what to do or what bus to look for, I stood outside.
A bus came and I asked the driver if it was the correct one for me.
He told me yes and I got on a bus that was creepily empty.
I was taken to some random ass building where the man told me to wait outside for a shuttle.
I called the hotel Logan had called earlier that told him there were vacancies and to arrive and just ask for a room.
To be sure I called beforehand and they told me there were none.
I called another hotel - they had vacancies and would send a shuttle. The first good news all day.
I paid $200 for one night in a hotel. I had no luggage, face wash, toothbrush or anything.
The next day I checked out and got back to the airport.
The man driving the shuttle from the hotel dropped me off at the terminal building where I had my new flight.
Then I realized my luggage was in an entirely different terminal of the airport and I needed to go there first, then come all the way back and check into the new terminal of the airport.
I took an air train all the way to the other terminal.
I didn’t see my luggage so I got in line to ask about it.
After an hour of standing in my only shoes I have had, 6 inch boots, I finally spoke with a woman.
At first she told me that the airline lied when they said I could get my bag at 6:00am. She said that since there were already hundreds of random bags they weren’t even going to get around to the newest ones for days.
Then she scanned my baggage tickets and told me that “oh wait,” my baggage was probably already in London. WTF? Thinking I had one good thing happen, with a little hope I took an air train all the way back to the terminal where my new flight would be.
I walked back and fourth, up and down an entire airport terminal twice looking for the counter for my airline and finally went up to a woman asking where it was.
She said something weird, like “it wasn’t there yet”? And didn’t tell me anything else.
I went to an airport bar to hang out for awhile until I could get checked in and what I assumed was I was waiting for my airline to set up their counter.
After waiting two hours I got an e-mail from Expedia telling me my itinerary for my flight leaving on the 10th had changed and I needed to call them.
Trying to stay calm I called the number and a man who kept saying my name wrong checked my flight and told me it was exactly how it should be. Just praying he was right, I hung up the phone.
Two hours later I went up a level to find my carrier and there was a line out of the door.
I waited in line for 40 minutes to get to the counter and when I did the man asked if I had bags.
I told him that “no, they apparently left without me”.
The worker next to him stopped and told me that baggage is never supposed to leave without a person and that it’s doubtful that my baggage was in London.
Devastated once again I shuffled off all across the airport to my security line.
After I passed through security where they practically made me take off everything I was wearing and take out almost everything in my bag and put it in a separate bin, I waited another 3 hours in a waiting area because my flight was delayed 45 minutes to get onto the new flight.
After getting on the plane I knew I had to train the next day, so for five and a half hours I tried to sleep to no avail.
We landed in Iceland where it was 6:00am, I was exhausted, and I tried to not fall asleep until my next flight.
I then got on my flight to London and it was an hour late taking off.
We sat on the plane for unknown reasons for such a long time.
Then we flew out and I finally passed out for about two hours. At least around the times that I wasn’t being woken up because of a crying child.
I finally landed an hour late and when I got off the plane I had to walk a mile through the airport to find that I needed to stand in a HUGE line just to get into the UK.
I waited in line an hour to get through the border process and by then Sarah had already been waiting by then 2 hours for me to get out of the airport.
When I got downstairs finally I looked for my bag and found none.
I went to the United Baggage Claim to ask them and a man tried calling over to the other terminal with United Bags for half an hour and no one picked up.
He told me to go to the other Baggage Support for the Iceland Air carrier because I was on their airline last, it was their responsibility. WTF?!
I waited in line for 40 minutes with Sarah waiting outside for me, parked in an expensive parking garage, to talk to someone.
A man with an accent I could barely understand asked me some questions and told me it could be days.
He then told me I should expect my bag the next day about mid-dayish.
I left, having made Sarah wait 3 hours by that time, after being bothered by some man when I was leaving about why I had no bags.
We had to drive 2 hours back after I already made her wait, and since I had no baggage we had to run to the store so I could buy all of my toiletries that I didn’t have.
By that time it was really late and we had no time to do pole at all so a whole second day was entirely wasted.
It has been a whole other day and no bags have arrived and we have gotten no calls or e-mails.
We checked online and it turns out that my purple bag has been found but it won’t be here until the day I leave, and my other bag has not been found.
I had to buy all new clothes today and only get one more day to pole with Sarah Scott.
5 days turned into 2 and I want to burn every single airline and airport to the ground.
I’m super grateful that I am finally in the UK and looking on the bright side. I got new clothes, I’m with my idol training privately, I’m safe, etc etc. But MOTHER FUCKER! How I didn’t LOSE MY SHIT I will never know. I think if it wasn’t for Logan looking after me and knowing where I was going, heads would have rolled.
Sigh.
A more positive post after I return from the Magic trip to the UK! <3
Monday, December 23, 2013
Track Your Progress - You Never Know What May Come of It
As a pole student I have always been told to track my progress.
It sounded like a lot of work I wasn't too interested in.
Now I understand.
Over the last year of learning pole there are so many goals I have set and accomplished.
(Abs in top photo: August 2013. Bottom: December 2013)
(Splits Left: July 2013, Right: November 13)
Tips for myself and for my future students
I was often too shy to ask a teacher or another student to take a photo,
often afraid of feeling show-offy or not wanting to blast my FaceBook page with "look at me" photos.
I'm telling you right now to let that go.
You have no idea what this may bring yourself and someone else.
You can visually see your growth and your challenges.
You can remind yourself of how far you have come on your days that you are feeling lousy.
And you never know what your progress can bring another person.
Who knows? Maybe they will start pole after being inspired by you and it may change their life for the better forever.
Maybe your helpful tips may bring friends and students someday closer to their goals.
Keep track, don't be shy, and be proud.
What you can do, most people can't.
<3
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Being a Poler with an Injury
To preface:
Everyone is different.
Every injury is different.
Every person's pole passion is different.
This entry isn't about the ways polers get injured, but rather what happens inside of them after.
This entry is about what it's like to be a poler with an injury.
I say "poler" with an injury because even though we might be off the pole because of our injury, being a poler is a part of our identity. This is a crucial element to understanding the mental and emotional aspects following an injury.
I will be the first to say I am lucky. I have been doing pole for about a year, doing rather tricky aerial moves, and all of my injuries have been relatively minor and have not kept me off of pole for long (/"long").
I am lucky because recently I injured my shoulder and not only did it not hurt when I did it, but I was only out for a month. Well, I say "only" a month if I'm comparing myself to other polers who have been out for months or more from an injury, and I know there are some who are so injured they may never pole again. I say "only" out of respect for those who have been injured more than I have.
If I wasn't comparing myself to them, I definitely wouldn't say "only."
Being away from pole for days kills me.
Being away for weeks -- it takes a bite out of you.
Being away because you need to/have to/must is even worse than if you are sick or have been too busy. (Though any time away for me is just difficult no matter what.)
If I am sick, maybe I'll do something simple here or there for a short session.
When I'm injured, and I know I have to stay off the pole, it's different.
(I usually don't because I'm stubborn and hate being away from pole).
But this time I really couldn't go near it.
I needed to stay away because I would risk damaging myself even more if I didn't.
This threat doesn't always scare me but there was something about this injury that I knew was on the brink of serious damage if I pushed it like usual.
I have a pole in my house. When I was injured I would see it every single day and know that if I tried any little move I would try more and more and end up injuring myself. So I closed the door to that room so I didn't have to see my favorite thing in the world.
Every day that went by that I wasn't doing anything for pole I just kept realizing "you aren't progressing. You are stagnant. And you have to deal with it." Not only did I feel stagnant, but I knew that I wasn't getting stronger, and not only that, I felt I was getting weaker.
My FaceBook and Instagram is filled up with polers, pole associations, pole competitions, tutorials, routines, pole friends, etc, etc, etc. Knowing that everyone was out there improving while I was staying in place was lowering my self-esteem.
I wanted to be progressing and getting better. I know the improvements that can be made every single hour on the pole and to know how much I was losing ... was just depressing.
I had no idea how long it would take my shoulder to heal either. Days? Months? Would it ever be the same?
Maybe this sounds like a bunch of cry-baby "deal with it" babble for some people,
but for me it really matters. My identity and my heart and my mind were not at ease.
Injury matters to everyone - but when it means you can't do what makes you whole, it digs in deep.
Realizing that if I didn't heal quickly I could easily be surpassed by people doing pole a fraction of the time was not a pleasant thought either.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be out for longer and I pray to the Powers that Be that that will never be a reality for me.
Pole is a constant risk. You can get injured at any point in time doing anything and not even realize it when it happens.
This is a dangerous sport, and I love it dearly.
This blog isn't to declare that I have had some serious injury or set back, or that I am mentally damaged forever because of my injury.
I know there are people who have struggled longer and harder,
but this blog is just to shed light on that spot in everyone's psyche who has been through something similar to this.
We put ourselves at a constant risk by doing what we do, and we realize this from time to time, and it will never stop us because this is who we are. It's in us.
An amazing performer and aerialist I know has been injured for quite some time after a car wreck a long time ago. She has been finding other ways to get back into her identity, but she injured her shoulder recently as I have and has had to stay away from her normal activity as well. I asked her to write about her experience as an aerialist with an injury:
"I've been dealing with a shoulder injury for about 2 months now. My shoulder started hurting right before I had two performances, so I was not only rehearsing a lot more, but I wasn't willing to listen to my body and take the time to rest.
The week of my shows (two in one night) was when I really hurt it badly. I did five straight days in a row, when I'm used to training on lyra only 2 times a week. Then, caught up in the adrenaline and the rush, I went back to practice the day after my shows even though I was so exhausted I felt dizzy and nauseated even on the ground!
I realized the next morning how badly I was hurt and continued to wake up in pain every day, despite not doing aerial or upper body workouts at the gym. The psychological pain is harder though. Aerial is my passion, it consumes my thoughts every single day and I get more confidence from doing it than any other activity. To lose this from my routine resulted in a very, very rough month of depression; between the physical and psychological pain I ended up missing quite a bit of work and felt very socially isolated, since a lot of my friends are from aerial class.
For those of you who are injured, I sympathize and I can empathize somewhat as well.
What I held on to was the reality that time away can be time to rest and come back stronger and better. Hang in there - you have a passion that most people will never even be able to dream of <3 <3 <3
Everyone is different.
Every injury is different.
Every person's pole passion is different.
This entry isn't about the ways polers get injured, but rather what happens inside of them after.
This entry is about what it's like to be a poler with an injury.
I say "poler" with an injury because even though we might be off the pole because of our injury, being a poler is a part of our identity. This is a crucial element to understanding the mental and emotional aspects following an injury.
I will be the first to say I am lucky. I have been doing pole for about a year, doing rather tricky aerial moves, and all of my injuries have been relatively minor and have not kept me off of pole for long (/"long").
I am lucky because recently I injured my shoulder and not only did it not hurt when I did it, but I was only out for a month. Well, I say "only" a month if I'm comparing myself to other polers who have been out for months or more from an injury, and I know there are some who are so injured they may never pole again. I say "only" out of respect for those who have been injured more than I have.
If I wasn't comparing myself to them, I definitely wouldn't say "only."
Being away from pole for days kills me.
Being away for weeks -- it takes a bite out of you.
Being away because you need to/have to/must is even worse than if you are sick or have been too busy. (Though any time away for me is just difficult no matter what.)
If I am sick, maybe I'll do something simple here or there for a short session.
When I'm injured, and I know I have to stay off the pole, it's different.
(I usually don't because I'm stubborn and hate being away from pole).
But this time I really couldn't go near it.
I needed to stay away because I would risk damaging myself even more if I didn't.
This threat doesn't always scare me but there was something about this injury that I knew was on the brink of serious damage if I pushed it like usual.
I have a pole in my house. When I was injured I would see it every single day and know that if I tried any little move I would try more and more and end up injuring myself. So I closed the door to that room so I didn't have to see my favorite thing in the world.
Every day that went by that I wasn't doing anything for pole I just kept realizing "you aren't progressing. You are stagnant. And you have to deal with it." Not only did I feel stagnant, but I knew that I wasn't getting stronger, and not only that, I felt I was getting weaker.
My FaceBook and Instagram is filled up with polers, pole associations, pole competitions, tutorials, routines, pole friends, etc, etc, etc. Knowing that everyone was out there improving while I was staying in place was lowering my self-esteem.
I wanted to be progressing and getting better. I know the improvements that can be made every single hour on the pole and to know how much I was losing ... was just depressing.
I had no idea how long it would take my shoulder to heal either. Days? Months? Would it ever be the same?
Maybe this sounds like a bunch of cry-baby "deal with it" babble for some people,
but for me it really matters. My identity and my heart and my mind were not at ease.
Injury matters to everyone - but when it means you can't do what makes you whole, it digs in deep.
Realizing that if I didn't heal quickly I could easily be surpassed by people doing pole a fraction of the time was not a pleasant thought either.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be out for longer and I pray to the Powers that Be that that will never be a reality for me.
Pole is a constant risk. You can get injured at any point in time doing anything and not even realize it when it happens.
This is a dangerous sport, and I love it dearly.
This blog isn't to declare that I have had some serious injury or set back, or that I am mentally damaged forever because of my injury.
I know there are people who have struggled longer and harder,
but this blog is just to shed light on that spot in everyone's psyche who has been through something similar to this.
We put ourselves at a constant risk by doing what we do, and we realize this from time to time, and it will never stop us because this is who we are. It's in us.
An amazing performer and aerialist I know has been injured for quite some time after a car wreck a long time ago. She has been finding other ways to get back into her identity, but she injured her shoulder recently as I have and has had to stay away from her normal activity as well. I asked her to write about her experience as an aerialist with an injury:
"I've been dealing with a shoulder injury for about 2 months now. My shoulder started hurting right before I had two performances, so I was not only rehearsing a lot more, but I wasn't willing to listen to my body and take the time to rest.
The week of my shows (two in one night) was when I really hurt it badly. I did five straight days in a row, when I'm used to training on lyra only 2 times a week. Then, caught up in the adrenaline and the rush, I went back to practice the day after my shows even though I was so exhausted I felt dizzy and nauseated even on the ground!
I realized the next morning how badly I was hurt and continued to wake up in pain every day, despite not doing aerial or upper body workouts at the gym. The psychological pain is harder though. Aerial is my passion, it consumes my thoughts every single day and I get more confidence from doing it than any other activity. To lose this from my routine resulted in a very, very rough month of depression; between the physical and psychological pain I ended up missing quite a bit of work and felt very socially isolated, since a lot of my friends are from aerial class.
This is clearly very unhealthy, and I was scolded by those
close to me about the need to seek balance and learn how to handle
physical setbacks better. And they are right. As athletes, aerialists,
pole dancers, we are doing much more with our bodies than the average
person so we must not only be more tuned in to what our bodies are
telling us, but we must also be mentally prepared for downtime, rest,
recovery, and hopefully not too often, the occasional overuse or sudden
injury.
Mine was diagnosed as bursitis by my doctor a couple of
days ago, with a prescription of more rest, Aleve, cortisone shot,
and starting in a few days, strengthening exercises for my back to help
stabilize my shoulders. I'm happy to report that I've been able to
adjust mentally and being instructed to continue to take it easy didn't
leave me feeling desperate like it did before. I have to say that being
able to workout at my normal gym makes a big difference, the two weeks I
couldn't do that at all were the worst. But what has also helped is identifying some non physical activities I can
focus on in the meantime."
-- Instagram: UpsideDownGirl (she's amazing)
For those of you who are injured, I sympathize and I can empathize somewhat as well.
What I held on to was the reality that time away can be time to rest and come back stronger and better. Hang in there - you have a passion that most people will never even be able to dream of <3 <3 <3
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Proud of that Performance Still?
I was talking to a pole competitor and one of my best friends, Linda Crane, and we confessed - well, confession makes it seem like it was a long and difficult process. What would more accurately describe it as: we very clearly, openly, with no hesitation, already-thought-about-this-a-ton said that we honestly were no longer proud of our previous performances.
This is not to say that we are not proud of getting out there and doing it. It's not to say that we are not proud of the effort we put into it. But it's just how we feel looking back. Let me explain:
Now, I have only had one performance. The process through that was not something I would give up. Well, I might not have been to sad to give up the injuries, many hours working on things I didn't even use, and the frustration and anxiety that went along with it. Even if it is "part of the beautiful process" (which I do believe it is), but it is still not fun to go through at the time. Anyway, the performance was difficult. The first time I did the first 40 or so seconds I was on the floor panting like someone had just pulled a lung out of my chest. It was exhausting, and very fast, and very difficult. Eventually I got to a point where I could get through the whole thing, improve it, and at the end I even added another difficult move because I had already gotten my routine down. I was proud when I could get through the entire performance more than a few times before my showcase.
However, there is a dilemma all polers who have performed are aware probably aware of. There's no word for it really, but essentially you just have to force yourself to stop changing the choreography. When you are deciding to do a performance, you have to set up a choreography and make it flow, perfect it, and get through it, but in all of that time - you keep learning. You discover new moves, new combos, find new songs. A ton of things arise in the process of you working on a performance, but the problem is, you can't really allow yourself to put in new things. If you change your song, it is a larger difficulty than adding in a new move, but even adding in a new move, especially if you keep doing it, can eventually put you in a position where you are no longer perfecting a choreography but just adjusting it. I believe, perhaps not for very experienced performers, but that there is a process with a performance that comes from something like:
1) Finding a song
2) Trying to put together a choreography with it
3) Changing some moves as you better learn the song and discover smoother transitions
4) Trying to perfect what you have made
If you keep adding moves, you may not be working towards making a good performance an even better one. Perfecting details come with practicing the same thing over and over again. So you have to force yourself to just stop adding new things so you can "perfect" what you have already developed. The unfortunate thing is that this may not show off just how skilled you are, especially if you have had the same choreography you have been perfecting for such a long time (which means more time that you have learned more tricks and gained more strength).
It is probably more possible for confident and advanced performers to always be able to change their moves even days before a show, but I still say that can't be without some difficulty in some form, and they probably don't think it's wise to change a lot of them either.
Back to my original point: I was proud to have completed a difficult routine, but am I proud of it even a month after? In one word: No. Some will probably say I'm being overly critical of myself, but looking back, the more you watch your performance, you can see in every handful of seconds something you wish you had done better. I promise I don't sit and watch my performance and scrutinize it. I'm not here trying to express that, but what I'm saying is that I know at least one other poler who watches old routines and cringes at small things that we would never allow ourselves to do now. I am sure that even from my one performance that I have experienced this from, many others have experienced this even when they haven't messed up or fallen in a routine either. There is just something about it that yes, we are always our own worst critic, but you cannot help but kind of be disappointed in yourself. It's sad, honestly, and even fully acknowledging the logic behind these feelings and saying "This was your first performance, of course it wasn't the best," "Just getting through it was hard enough, be proud," and telling yourself "You did a lot of cool shit and didn't fall or slip, so be happy about that," you can't help but know that "I could have done better." There is always of course a chance to do better in the future, but that small knowledge of "I could have done better" is just there anyway.
Like I said, we are our own worst critics, and we probably see ourselves worse than others do, but the truth is just what it is: it's hard to be proud of old performances, at least when you are a pretty inexperienced poler, and I wasn't really expecting to feel this, at least not so soon. I knew I would look back eventually and be like "oh, small potatoes, first performance, whatevs" but it's just a part of you and it's hard to want to distance from it. To not want to show others. Where does this mentality and series of thoughts originate from? That's a whole other blog entry worth :P
My point in this entry is not to evoke from others "You should be proud!" or "don't be so critical" or "that performance rocked". Even though all of these things still mean a lot to us and make us happy to hear (even about performances we no longer like), the point is just to openly admit that this is a part of the poling experience in growing and learning, and that it's kind of sad, but it's just the reality of the situation. I believe sometimes it's just important to let others know that you are probably going through something similar, and I believe there is comfort in that. I accept the reality of the situation as just that, and thought it was worthy of attention.
This is not to say that we are not proud of getting out there and doing it. It's not to say that we are not proud of the effort we put into it. But it's just how we feel looking back. Let me explain:
Now, I have only had one performance. The process through that was not something I would give up. Well, I might not have been to sad to give up the injuries, many hours working on things I didn't even use, and the frustration and anxiety that went along with it. Even if it is "part of the beautiful process" (which I do believe it is), but it is still not fun to go through at the time. Anyway, the performance was difficult. The first time I did the first 40 or so seconds I was on the floor panting like someone had just pulled a lung out of my chest. It was exhausting, and very fast, and very difficult. Eventually I got to a point where I could get through the whole thing, improve it, and at the end I even added another difficult move because I had already gotten my routine down. I was proud when I could get through the entire performance more than a few times before my showcase.
However, there is a dilemma all polers who have performed are aware probably aware of. There's no word for it really, but essentially you just have to force yourself to stop changing the choreography. When you are deciding to do a performance, you have to set up a choreography and make it flow, perfect it, and get through it, but in all of that time - you keep learning. You discover new moves, new combos, find new songs. A ton of things arise in the process of you working on a performance, but the problem is, you can't really allow yourself to put in new things. If you change your song, it is a larger difficulty than adding in a new move, but even adding in a new move, especially if you keep doing it, can eventually put you in a position where you are no longer perfecting a choreography but just adjusting it. I believe, perhaps not for very experienced performers, but that there is a process with a performance that comes from something like:
1) Finding a song
2) Trying to put together a choreography with it
3) Changing some moves as you better learn the song and discover smoother transitions
4) Trying to perfect what you have made
If you keep adding moves, you may not be working towards making a good performance an even better one. Perfecting details come with practicing the same thing over and over again. So you have to force yourself to just stop adding new things so you can "perfect" what you have already developed. The unfortunate thing is that this may not show off just how skilled you are, especially if you have had the same choreography you have been perfecting for such a long time (which means more time that you have learned more tricks and gained more strength).
It is probably more possible for confident and advanced performers to always be able to change their moves even days before a show, but I still say that can't be without some difficulty in some form, and they probably don't think it's wise to change a lot of them either.
Back to my original point: I was proud to have completed a difficult routine, but am I proud of it even a month after? In one word: No. Some will probably say I'm being overly critical of myself, but looking back, the more you watch your performance, you can see in every handful of seconds something you wish you had done better. I promise I don't sit and watch my performance and scrutinize it. I'm not here trying to express that, but what I'm saying is that I know at least one other poler who watches old routines and cringes at small things that we would never allow ourselves to do now. I am sure that even from my one performance that I have experienced this from, many others have experienced this even when they haven't messed up or fallen in a routine either. There is just something about it that yes, we are always our own worst critic, but you cannot help but kind of be disappointed in yourself. It's sad, honestly, and even fully acknowledging the logic behind these feelings and saying "This was your first performance, of course it wasn't the best," "Just getting through it was hard enough, be proud," and telling yourself "You did a lot of cool shit and didn't fall or slip, so be happy about that," you can't help but know that "I could have done better." There is always of course a chance to do better in the future, but that small knowledge of "I could have done better" is just there anyway.
Like I said, we are our own worst critics, and we probably see ourselves worse than others do, but the truth is just what it is: it's hard to be proud of old performances, at least when you are a pretty inexperienced poler, and I wasn't really expecting to feel this, at least not so soon. I knew I would look back eventually and be like "oh, small potatoes, first performance, whatevs" but it's just a part of you and it's hard to want to distance from it. To not want to show others. Where does this mentality and series of thoughts originate from? That's a whole other blog entry worth :P
My point in this entry is not to evoke from others "You should be proud!" or "don't be so critical" or "that performance rocked". Even though all of these things still mean a lot to us and make us happy to hear (even about performances we no longer like), the point is just to openly admit that this is a part of the poling experience in growing and learning, and that it's kind of sad, but it's just the reality of the situation. I believe sometimes it's just important to let others know that you are probably going through something similar, and I believe there is comfort in that. I accept the reality of the situation as just that, and thought it was worthy of attention.
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